still alive.
have thought about blogging, but haven't actually blogged. did you notice?
been thinking thoughts.
thoughts like - do other artists/creative-type people get overwhelmed by looking at other people's work? not inspired, i mean - that happens all of the time, but overwhelmed. i've been overwhelmed lately. i've been sitting with this trying to figure out why or what is overwhelming me, and i've come to the following conclusion. the people that i've become overwhelmed by are all people i admire. they are all people that are very established in their creative life or they are people that seem to transition from one big life event to the next. i don't feel particularly coordinated, especially when it comes to big life-changing events and i'm not what i would call established. i'm wandering. i'm figuring things out. i probably think too much sometimes.
i want to be somewhere other than where i am today. i don't know where that is, exactly. i know what i don't want, which is always a step towards progression, but i don't know all of the things i do want. so in trying to muddle my way through this, i've been overwhelmed by those who seemed to have just figured it out. i know that's not the case. i think very few people just sort of wake up and KNOW what it is they should be doing. i'm reading keith richard's autobiography right now, which is a great read and he seems to be a big exception to what i just wrote, so add keith richards to my list of people who overwhelm me.
i've thought about taking a break from the blogs that inspire/overwhelm me. my thinking with this notion is that it will give me time to just sit with myself and my own ideas, but the truth is, i'd miss those blogs and the routine of visiting each day. i also do draw a lot of inspiration from these individuals, and it comes out in the weirdest things sometimes. i don't want to lose that.
there's another truth to this which is this - there is a fair amount of comparison taking place in my brain. i compare my work to others. i know i shouldn't do that. i know it's not a good thing and even though this isn't on the same vein, i really appreciated kelly rae robert's post yesterday on "the secret ingredient is YOU." she was writing about people stealing/borrowing/stealing her ideas, her work and she described how success comes from being yourself. I haven't stolen anyone's work and I don't intend to, but her message of being true to yourself is one I needed to hear. i liked her recommendations of just playing - finding your voice and trying new things out. i think that's what i've done over the past however many months with this blog. i've challenged myself with various creative groups, i've participated in things that i never thought i would, and i've learned some new things about myself. the sketchbook project, in particular, has stretched me in some ways i didn't expect. it's also given me the confidence to move forward on my plan for an etsy shop. i think i had said 'within 6 months' back in October, so I still have a bit of time. :)
the other thing i've been sitting with is future transitions. there is a shift occurring within me. the desire for something more and something different and a life with more creativity. the more i recognize this shift and accept that not all of the pieces are defined yet, the more i feel disconnected to the things in my life i don't want. it's like the strings are loosening up. you'd think i'd be more freaked out by this feeling, but i say 'bring it!'
i also saw this video today, which i fell in love with. it's somehow tied to everything above, but i can't articulate it. enjoy.
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