Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Six month check-in: one little word
I knew that I wanted to use the word as a way to set and keep intention. I spent a lot of 2010 pretty checked out. I didn't listen to myself, I didn't pay attention to my dreams or wants or interests consistently and I knew coming into 2011 those were areas I wanted to change. Being mindful of what I want, and more importantly, what I need has allowed me to communicate with others more effectively. It has allowed me to hold boundaries because I am mindful of what I need. It has helped me to say no to things that otherwise I might be prone to give in to. It has helped me create space in my life for things that are important to me and in doing so, I feel more confident and more clear on what I want and don't want in my life.
I knew that this would help me stay accountable for my goals, but what I didn't know was that it would allow me to hear feedback and criticism in a more constructive way. I mean, no one likes to hear that they are doing a bad job, but knowing what I want and need to do and recognizing the areas that still "need improvement" makes it easier to hear that feedback from other people. The result of this has been less negative self-talk. I can accept my imperfections more and can own up to the fact that I still fall short in some areas - like cleaning the cat box.
The most powerful part of this word selection so far has been the sense of accomplishment I have. I've set several small goals for myself, and while I haven't met them all, I am so proud of the ones I've achieved. I'm also proud of myself for setting so many to begin with. This act alone, is such a huge improvement over the past couple of years. I feel that I am living with intention - for myself and for my family. I'm listening to my gut and it's been such an awesome ride. Not each day has been perfect, and there have been LOTS of times over the past 6 months where I've fallen down, fallen short, lost my temper, lost my cool or felt out of control, but the process of getting out of those negative spaces or situations is becoming easier. I ask myself what I need. Sometimes I know right away. Sometimes I have to sit with it for a couple of days, but each time I've asked myself this question, I've figured it out.
I've also been able to compartmentalize certain areas better so that a negative situation in one area of my life does not negatively impact other areas. I think the biggest area I've seen this with has been my mommy skills. I am not a perfect mom. Sometimes I embarrass myself or can't believe the things that are coming out of my mouth, but there are times when I've had a crappy day at work and I just want to come home and whine or moan but then I think of the kind of mom I want to be and I'm getting better at being able to reset myself so I can be the happy, calm(er) mom that I'm trying to be. Again - I'm not at all perfect, but it all feels like good, forward progress, and who doesn't love that?
I'm really looking forward to the rest of the year with my little word.